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NPC Already Inside Unexplored Tomb That Required Puzzle to Enter

April 27, 2020

 

Stone crumbles and ropes strain, threatening to snap as the ancient door, untouched for 1,000 years, groans open to reveal… Dave?

 

What in the lazy-fucking-writing is this? You just spent 27 minutes beating the controller against your head and trying to solve a puzzle to reveal the key for this tomb. There was a moment where you even considered looking for a guide online, but you held true and figured it out on your own, refusing to stoop to such cowardice. But somehow, despite insistance from the town wizard that this door is the ONLY way in and that the map he was selling was DEFINITELY worth the last bit of gold you had, Dave is already here.

 

Are we gonna talk about this, or? No? No. We’re just going right into a cutscene to talk about next steps. Great. Oh, you’re gonna stay back and secure the area while I scout ahead? Sounds perfect, Dave. I’ll keep doing the heavy lifting with these goddamn riddles and puzzles while you sneak into each area like The Ghost of Advancing Plot.

 

Let’s see what’s in this next secret chamber. Okay, puzzle solved, door opened, look inside, aaaand no Dave. Nice. Guess we finally have some realism in this sto- no, wait, the bad guys are here. This game is dumb.

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