Sony Details Specs for PS5, Doesn’t Mention Anything About Blood-Splatter Cannon

Like every other console generation, Sony is focusing solely on hardware upgrades for graphics and speed rather than developing other sensory experiences.

You’d think that Sony doesn’t even want to be competitive in the console market after their meeting with this week where they detailed the hardware for their upcoming Playstation 5. Supports 8K? Cool, no one’s wallet does. SSD? Snooze Town. Faster load times? Now I won’t be able to browse Reddit while I fast travel. Give us something worth caring about, Sony!

Why don’t any of these bigwigs at Playstation HQ consider moving beyond graphical and speed improvements to create a unique experience that other companies would be too frugal to even consider? How about a controller that puffs out different smells corresponding to what you’re doing in a game? Maybe let your console connect with your thermostat to change the temperature in your house based on the game’s environment. Or - best idea of all - attach a small cannon to the console that sprays fake blood when you kill an enemy, allowing both you and the character you’re controlling to bask in the viscera of your felled foes.

These aren’t radical ideas, Sony; these are free suggestions that will only guarantee success for the Playstation 5 if any or all are implemented. Do you want to keep playing catch-up with Microsoft and Xbox or do you want to be a goddamned trendsetter in the industry? Make some bold moves, you cowards!

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