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Activision Lays Off 800 Employees to Make Room for Piles of Cash They’re Raking in

February 13, 2019

Recently rumored reports of mass layoffs were confirmed and implemented this week at Activision Blizzard, finally allowing space for all the currency that CEO, Robert Kotick, has been hoarding.


The one thing no one talks about with record-setting success is that you simply don’t have enough room for all your phat stacks of cash. While the ever-insulting Mainstream Media has been quick to point out how well Activision Blizzard is doing, not one outlet has considered the spacial burden the company has been facing. Thankfully Roll Dodge Games is here to do what no one else will: stick up for the CEOs of this world.


Is 800 employees an absurd amount to lay off when your company is profiting and there’s plenty of work to be done? Sure. But there’s no doubt that they understood and appreciated the decision as Kotick met with each one individually to explain the situation and do the laying off himself. Name a CEO with a bigger heart. I’ll wait.

At the end of the day this will be best for everyone. The newly-unemployed horde of game workers will get some real-life action and adventure as they battle each other for any open position available in the industry. Kotick will get to throw out all the now-empty desks and worn out chairs to decorate the office however he sees fit, but instead of gaming paraphernalia and motivational posters and Keurigs there will just be cash. Wall-to-wall cash. What a relief this change will be for Kotick and the other heads of Activision Blizzard.


Hopefully the space-clogging former employees can find a company better able to accommodate their mass without encroaching on valuable real estate for that chedda cheese $$$.


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