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Raccoon City Museum Architect to be Prosecuted for Making Emergency Exit a Puzzle

January 31, 2019

 

A code-violation trial over 20 years in the making is finally taking place later this month after Raccoon City building inspectors uncovered the sinister design of the police department’s emergency exit.

 

Originally constructed as a museum, the building was bought by Raccoon City in 1969 and turned into a police station. Unbeknownst to city officials, the building’s architect, Aronetti De Prizi, was a lunatic obsessed with puzzles and mazes, to the point that none of the buildings he designed were up to code - a serious oversight that may have contributed to much of the tragedy that took placed in 1998. Another trial will be taking place after De Prizi vs Raccoon City to determine who’s responsible for covering up the city’s building inspection reports over the years, but most assume that person is either dead or long gone.

 

There has been some backlash towards the trial on social media from a public who believe De Prizi - now 89 - too old for prosecution. Family members of the Raccoon City victims feel differently, having waited so long for justice to be served. Even De Prizi’s own children are hopeful for some consequences, having been too ashamed of their family’s scandal to participate guilt-free in the variety of Escape Room activities that have become popular in recent years.

 

Whatever the feelings of outside parties, experts agree that no matter the verdict of the trial, there will most likely not be any jail time for De Prizi. “If anything, he’ll be banned from puzzles for the rest of his life,” says Minister of Logic Activity Books, Martin Babclick. “Probably won’t even be allowed an occasional word search, let alone a maze or scavenger hunt. And I tell you, if you were to take away puzzles from me, I’d blow my brains out in front of a jigsaw factory, so you know he’s probably hoping the judge just goes for jail time.”

 

De Prizi’s lawyers could not be reached for comment because their only contact info is locked in a safe in a room that can only be accessed with a key that’s stored inside a box requiring a combination to open, but the combination is kept on the underside of a shoe behind a dumpster, and it didn’t seem worth it to go through all that.

 

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