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AOC Ditches Medicare for All, Switches Agenda to Strategically-Placed Health Packs for All

January 23, 2019

 

Hot off her Twitch stream appearance with Hbomberguy where she picked the N64 as her favorite console, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is continuing her mission of earning favor with gamers by changing one of her core political goals to something they’ll find familiar.

 

Already being called her most radical move yet, the new proposal by AOC is to scrap medicare for all entirely and manufacture health packs en masse to be distributed across the country. The central idea is that giving people quick access to pain management will greatly reduce hospital and doctor’s office visits, which will in turn cripple the corrupt healthcare industry. Break a bone? Grab a health pack. Coughing up blood? Grab a health pack. Consistent pain in one area that your doctor continues to be dismissive about because the one test they begrudgingly ran was inconclusive? Grab a health pack.

 

The New York House member already has a proposal in place for a 70 percent tax rate on top marginal incomes that’s intended for a Green New Deal, but all that money may instead go towards material cost for the health packs if her plan is successful. There has been, of course, pushback from her fellow Democrats in congress who continuing to insist that AOC slow down and play nice with their Republican opponents, all of whom are rejecting the new idea completely. In typical AOC fashion, she responded to her colleagues’ concerns by promising to include a cure for their constant pearl clutching in the first series of health packs.

 

Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, issued a statement on behalf of the GOP that, “If citizens of the United States worked harder, they could afford to increase their maximum health - like myself and fellow Republicans - which would render healthcare and health packs unnecessary. What this really boils down to is people relying too much on government assistance.”

 

Ocasio-Cortez responded to that, as well, to remind McConnell that many of those people “relying on government assistance” are Republican voters who will never learn that the GOP doesn’t care about them or their needs. “The least we can do,” she concluded, “is provide strategically-placed health packs throughout people’s regular environments - especially near difficult encounters like a meeting with their boss or in-laws.”

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