Nintendo Cancels Plans for Chris Brown's Punch-Out!!

The company alleges the decision stems primarily from creative differences and has nothing at all to do with the backlash from domestic assault advocacy groups.

Citing lackluster album sales, Nintendo has announced they're pulling the plug on the controversial reboot of Punch-Out!!, which was set to feature singer and consummate assaulter, Chris Brown. Despite the felony history and controversies surrounding him, everything came down to design disagreements, the company states. When asked to elaborate, the development team revealed they were unable to settle on a track list for the game given how terribly unpopular the artist's catalog is.

“How do you proceed with a project when all your options are garbage?” wrote Lead Developer, Genyo Takeda, as part of Nintendo's announcement. “Every day the team dreaded coming in to work, myself included. There were all these emails and petitions coming in from domestic assault support groups, because apparently people don't like when you brutally beat someone, but honestly we just couldn't figure out how to make the game fun.”

There was no mention of what the development team would move on to in place of Punch-Out!!, but rumors have already begun circulating about a sequel to Home Improvement Power Tool Pursuit. Rather than fighting dinosaurs with power tools, players would take to a radio station and whine to listeners about needing a safe space from liberal snowflakes for talking about the good ol' days and using the n-word without consequence. Hopefully Nintendo will offer some hint about the truth behind such an exciting possibility.

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