Once again Super Smash Bros fans, desperate for the inclusion of their beloved Waluigi, have been spurned by this weeks announcement of new characters.
Joining the ranks of veteran Smash combatants are King K. Rool, Simon Belmont, and Dark Samus, all of whom no one had even heard of before this week. The news came in the form of note card stapled to a flaming back of dog shit, left in front of every game journalism office. The sender was quickly revealed to be Smash developer, Masahiro Sakurai, who dispelled the mystery with a video posted to his social media accounts showing his team assembling the bags and note cards.
Though the video mostly consists of Sakurai cackling wildly as he shoots whimpering, unprotected interns with a paintball gun, the final seconds conclude with him foaming at the mouth, shrieking about how he'd rather cancel Super Smash Bros Ultimate than ever include Waluigi in any form. The gaming community has been absolutely devastated by the contents of the video, with many swearing off any future Nintendo titles and trading in their Switch consoles for a paltry $13.87 at GameStop.
What the future holds for the beloved Waluigi is anyone's guess, but it's looking more and more like he'll go the way of Leonardo DiCaprio – only a winner in the eyes of the internet until he gets mauled by a bear.