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Man Who's Still Shuffling Pro Skater Soundtracks Thinking About Shaving Off Chinstrap

August 6, 2018


I mean, he's just toying with the idea, right now, but maybe it's time for a new playlist AND a new look.


It's not that Scott is unhappy, or anything lame like that. After all, feelings are for [insert homophobic slur here]. Yet there's a sense of longing he's beginning to feel – longing for change, longing for more. What that more will end up being is still a mystery, but his friend Greg played a decent song in the car the other day, and it was the first time in sixteen years he's heard something not from one of the Pro Skater soundtracks.


Such an earth-shattering experience got him thinking about new stuff – more music, fewer black t-shirts, going to Chili's instead of Applebee's every Saturday. One idea kind of scares Scott, though, and that's shaving off the chinstrap he's had since discovering his facial hair is too patchy to ever grow anything else. The strap has been a hit with the ladies, of course (at least in high school), but now that he's approaching 37, it would be nice to meet someone outside of a strip club and settle down.


All that being said, Scott isn't willing to change too much or too quickly. He's a real nice guy and shouldn't have to, like, be something out of a Disney movie to find the right girl. So far his romantic life has been bittersweet. The three babes he's awkwardly-groped-and-nothing-elsed with since graduation weren't exactly marriage material, but at least they didn't want much from him. Come to think of it they didn't want anything from him at all after seeing all the shelves of Bud Light in his fridge...


Right now he's got his sights set on his favorite waitress at Applebee's, Tiffany. She'd probably be down for dinner at Chili's this weekend. Scott will know for sure if she's a keeper if she rocks out to Goldfinger with him on the way to the restaurant. This could be the start of something really great, as long as she doesn't ever try to make him trade his Pontiac in for a minivan. Know what I'm saying, brosef?

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