“Destiny is Such a Disappointing Series,” Claims Area Man Who Plays Every Weekend

Craig is so tired of Destiny, but he's definitely gonna play some Crucible this weekend if you want to join him.

“There's nothing to keep me coming back,” he sighs. “Except, like, Raids, Nightfall Strikes, Iron Banner, exotic weapons, and DLC. But when the game came out I was playing every day – now I'm only playing every weekend.” He shrugs and continues his multiplayer match, no plans to shower or leave his house on this fine Saturday.

For many like Craig, the steady updates and releases of new content simply aren't enough for devoted players who didn't learn their lesson with the first installment of the series. These poor souls are left with no option but to play regularly and complain frequently. Like limbo's unbaptized babes and wretches born before Christ, Destiny gamers will never know paradise, determined to gripe forever instead of finding something new to play.

Let us offer our thoughts and prayers to Craig et al. – a most popular gesture for those whose suffering we care not a trifle. May they some day find the strength within to play something new and stop criticizing the game they continue spending money on.

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