Finish Your Route Before a White Woman Calls the Cops as Black Paperboy in this Atari Remake

Newspapers may be dying but we still love getting them – as long as your delivery boy is white, that is.

In desperate need of something to do, old Atari developers have come together to remake their classic, scrappy-lad-earning-cola-money simulator, Paperboy. Born in a time when college was affordable and every movie was about breaking women down for sexual conquest, the game is being updated to reflect current societal trends. This, of course, leads to the exciting mechanic of choosing your race when you start the game, resulting in different challenges.

Want to get mocked for riding a hand-me-down bike and working at a young age to afford games and toys? Pick a white character. Want all of that but to also fear for your life whenever you're working? Pick a black character. While the white kid is great for newcomers or those a bit rusty with the game, the black kid is best for those seeking a thrill.

Ride around with a target on your back and tense up each time you enter a white neighborhood. Will they see the bag full of newspapers? Will they care? Of course not! There's Janice, already dialing 911. She waved at you two days ago but that must have been out of fear. Now she's not taking and chances. Quick! Pedal faster! You hear sirens in the distance! It's like Dark Souls if Ornstien and Smough were flagrant racism.

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