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United Airlines Flight Sim Will Let You Punch Passengers and Kill Pets

July 9, 2018


United hasn't been in the news much, lately, so they're developing a game to remind everyone what a wonderful company they are.


Ever wish you could cancel a bunch of flights at the last minute with no explanation? Well that dream is about to come true with the United Airlines We Can Do Whatever We Want Because We're the Cheapest Options so You're Going to Book With Us Anyway flight sim. The current price for the game is $49.99, but as it gets closer to release that price will climb exponentially, so order as early as possible to get the best deal. Keep in mind United may end development without warning and offer absolutely no refunds – a great opportunity for masochistic risk-takers.


On the off chance the game is completed and shipped, players can look forward to hours of overcharging for checked luggage, losing said luggage, breaking instruments, and shoving beloved pets into overhead bins where they get crushed to death by bags. Players willing to spend a little extra money can pick up the “Overbooked Edition” of the game which comes with exclusive melee weapons for removing passengers refusing to volunteer switching to a later flight.


That special edition will also make every passenger a doctor who has to get home for a surgery that's much more important than the inconvenience of moving your employees to a different flight. Swing away!

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