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Parents Planning Another Child After Losing Their First to Fortnite

May 16, 2018

 

After months of begging their son to take a break from playing, streaming, and talking about Fortnite, the Maversons have decided to move on and have another kid.

 

For eleven years Cindy and Matthew had a loving, sweet child who listened well and enjoyed family-board-game nights. That all changed six months ago when their son, Kevin, started playing Fortnite. Now he won't even make eye contact, putting the controller down only to pick up and resume playing on his phone that he has for some reason at eleven years old.

 

The Maversons have tried begging, bribing, and even taking away the console and phone, but when the latter happens, Kevin just gets off the school bus and plays at his friend Scott's house because his parent's aren't “over-controlling d-bags.” At this point the parents have accepted the loss – which is more than can ever be said for their little bitch of a son who screams and throws his controller whenever he loses a round – and are ready to try again with a child they won't expose to games.

 

That next child is due in five months and the couple has an important message to share along with their excitement.

“We're not alone,” Cindy says. “All the parents in Kevin's class have lost their kids to Fornite these last several months. Matthew and I are trying to show everyone there's no shame in trying again when these games turn your child into a worthless husk.”

 

“A real trash child,” Matthew agrees. “We'll make sure the next one foolishly worships celebrities like a normal person, not Twitch streamers.”

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